After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says, “Hey Senor, I would like the world’s best beer, a Corona.” The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him. The guy from Budweiser says, “I d like the best beer in the world, give me The King Of Beers , a Budweiser.” The bartender gives him one. The guy from Coors says, “I d like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors.” He gets it. The guy from Guinness sits down and says, “Give me a Coke.” The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered. The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask “Why aren’t you drinking a Guinness?” and the Guinness president replies, “Well, I figured if you guys aren’t drinking beer, neither would I.”

I like this section Mariachi, infirmary sucks and you had a nice idea in thinking of this thread.

this is a short one but it made me laugh:

Where is the sex of an elephant located??

Under his paws, if he steps on you you are fucked....LOL

A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.

The librarian says; "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."

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My girlfriend is a porn star.

She is going to be so pissed off when she finds out.

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The other day I needed to pay a visit to the public toilet, so I found a public toilet that had two cubicles.

One of the doors was locked. So I went into the other one, closed the door, dropped my trousers and sat down.

A voice came from the cubicle next to me: "Hello mate, how are you doing?"

Although I thought that it was a bit strange, I didn't want to be rude, so I replied, "Not too bad, thanks."

After a short pause, I heard the voice again. "So, what are you up to?"

Again I answered, somewhat reluctantly, "Just having a quick shit... How about yourself?"

The next thing I heard him say was, "Sorry, mate, I'll have to call you back. I've got some cunt in the cubicle next to me answering everything I say."

What have in common Viagra and Disneyland??..........

a waiting time of two hours for a 10 minutes ride.......

I met a 14 year old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny, flirty and sexy, so I suggested we meet up.

She turned out to be an undercover detective.

How cool is that at her age?!

There are people in a plane relaxing until over the intercome they hear "Hi, everyone. This is your pilot speaking. We tried our best to avoid telling you this, but the plane is falling out of the sky due to.passing the max.wieght allowed and we have already dumped out all the luggage. So now, we will be throwing passengers out of the plane in alphabetical order starting with Africans. Any African people? No? Ok then, black people. Any black people? No? Ok then, colored. Any colored people?" Just then a little boy turns to his mom and asks "mom arent we african, arent we black, arent we colored?" The mom tells the boy "Today we niggas, let them damn mexicans go first". The little black boy turns and smiles to alittle mexican boy and says "you better get ready to jump". The little mexican boy smiles back and says "Nope, today I am a wetback so get ready to jump nigga."

Last edited by Sentinel 15 years ago

a little boy came home from school and said " mommy, mommy.. i had sex with my teacher today" the mother said " what the fuck?! go to your room! " then the dad got home and the mother said " go tell your dad what you did at school today " so the son walked up to th father and said " i had sex with my teacher today daddy " the father smiled and said " im proud of you son, lets go get you that bike you have been asking for " the son said " i dont want a bike daddy.. my butt is still hurting. "

somebody laugh at my joke damn it

In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin, and very proud of it.Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she dies, she went to the town's undertaker (who also happened to be the local postal clerk) to make proper "final" arrangements. As a last wish, she informed the undertaker that she wanted the following inscription engraved on her tombstone:

"BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN"

Not long after, the old maid died peacefully. A few days after the funeral, as the undertaker/postal clerk went to prepare the tombstone that the lady had requested, it became quite apparent that the tombstone she had selected was much too small for the wording that she had chosen. He thought long and hard about how he could fulfill the old maid's final request considering the very limited space available on the small piece of stone.For days, he agonized over the dilemma, but finally his experience as a postal worker allowed him to come up with what he thought was the appropriate solution to the problem.

The virgin's tombstone was finally completed and duly engraved, and it read as follows:

"RETURNED UNOPENED"

A little girl stands outside her parent's bedroom while they are having sex....and the curiosity makes her watch through the key hole, then she walks away and nodding her head she says:

'' why mom wants to take me to the doctor because I still suck my finger ''?????..................