ONLY A MAN

WOULD ATTEMPT THIS

Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!!

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:

Last

weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked

my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for

a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a

100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.

The effects of the Tazer

were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on

your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety...??

WAY

TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home... I

loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.

Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the

button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get

the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay,

so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it

couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

There

I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting

little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I

really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving

target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a

fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet

cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect

herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work

as advertised.

Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of

shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the

bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.

The directions said that:

a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;

a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and

a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.

Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All

the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long,

less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA

batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible

way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.

I'm

sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side

so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst

from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to

give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!!

I'm

pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in

the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and

over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal

position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire,

testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in

the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making

meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame

hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting

slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note:

If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer,

one note of caution:

There

is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will

not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a

violent thrashing about on the floor!

A three second burst would be considered conservative!

A

minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at

that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and

surveyed the landscape.

My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.

· The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.

· My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.

· My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.

· I had no control over the drooling.

· Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone.

· I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair.

I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!

PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!!

best part:I'm

pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in

the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and

over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal

position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire,

testicles nowhere to be found

Oh god thats crazy.

got hit with one of the high vot cattle prong tazers before and haven't fucked with any electric shocks or currents since

lmaoooooooooo

i didnt laugh at all seemed like what u would expect from a tazer story ??? idk but ive been shocked by electric wires batteries even car batteries however those lil packs of trick gum that u pull kinda hurt to

i read the whole thing and didnt laugh at all didnt even giggle