I was shopping in Ireland when I saw a man trying to cram a trolley into the boot of his car.

"I don't think you should be doing that, mate," I shouted.

He replied, "Are ye kiddin' me, lad? I paid a feckin' quid for 'dis!"

Paddy & Mick, were adrift in a lifeboat following their ship sinking. While rummaging through the boats provisions, Paddy found an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp. To his amazement, a genie did appear. This genie stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the usual three. Without giving much thought, Paddy blurted out, "Make the ocean into Guinness Beer!" The genie granted the wish, and immediately the sea turned into Guinness. Mick looked disgustedly at Paddy. After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going Paddy! Now we're going to have to wee in the boat.

Paddy and his wife are in bed and can't get to sleep because of the neighbour's dog barking its head off in the garden. Somewhat disturbed by the noise, Paddy explodes, 'Botheration and that!' and storms off downstairs. He comes back five minutes later and his wife asks, 'What did you do, Paddy?' Paddy replies with a smirk, 'I've put the dog in our garden so I did, now let's see how they like it.'

lol jase...can you shorten em

Mick was arrested and sent for trial for armed bank robbery.

After due deliberation, the jury foreman stood up and announced, 'Not guilty.'

'That's grand,' shouted Mick, 'Does that mean I get to keep the money?'

Q: What would you get if you crossed Quasimodo with an Irish football player? A:The Halfback of Notre Dame!

sorry brock

So, one day Jimmy goes to the guy's room at work to take a quick break. While going about his business, a really short little old man he'd never noticed before comes in, and begins going about his business. Jimmy can't help but notice that this guy has the biggest wiener he'd ever seen in his life. Being the respectful young man that he his, he compliments the old timer on his gift.

"Well thank'ya lad!" was the response. "You know, I have such a log because I'm a leprechaun. Since you've caught me with me pantz down so to speak, I can grant you three wishes. Anything you want. Ya just have to let me ya afterwards."

Jimmy thought about it for just a moment. While that was sure to be the most uncomfortable moment of his life, he could have three wishes. Anything he wanted. He agreed.

"Right then," the leprechaun replied. "What would you be wishing for now?"

"Well, first, I have to have a pole like yours. That's a monster."

"Granted," said the leprechaun. "It'll grow in your trousers tonight for sure, and be ready for action tomorrow!"

"Second, I think I'll need to have tons of beautful women attracted to me, to keep my first gift in good shape."

"Why of course!" said the leprechaun. "Starting tomorrow, you'll have to fight 'em off with two sticks!"

"Finally, I think I'll need alot of money," Jimmy said. "Just incase any of those women want to have a 'relationship'."

"Oh, you're a thinker now aren't you m'boy!" said the leprechaun. "At midnight you're bank account will jump so high you'll never be able to spend it all!"

Jimmy thanked the leprechaun and started to go, when he felt a tug at his shirt tail.

"Don't you be forgettin my part of the deal now lad," said the leprechaun.

Jimmy realized he had made a bargain. And surely the money, the girls, and his new toy would be worth a minute or two of 'discomfort.' So he dropped his pants, and before he new it the little man had started away. It was alot worse than Jimmy had expected, and he tried to be a man about it, but couldn't help but start crying.

"What be your name now, laddy?" said the leprechaun.

"Jimmy," he muttered through tears and sobs.

"And how old would you be now young Jim?" said the leprechaun, still as hard as ever.

"Twenty-five," Jimmy said with a small scream.

"Aren't you a bit old to be believing in leprechauns now?"

My brain hurts lol

Awh man u guys are too funny!! I'm always one to be spontaneous and shout POTATOE!!