i know i know im the greatest

hi my names dave donkey dave

no i didn't hire the limousine i am a milonair

"..........Oprah does my laundry.... Michael Jordan cuts my grass..... donald trump delivers my newspapers in the morning... and I don't even tip him.... you know how frivolous I am? I drive a hummer to the end of my drive way just to get the mail.... and that's all i use it for.... I got a rolls royce pickup truck..... you know how much credit I got? I threw away all of my platinum cards... and I got an URANIUM card.... I get a penthouse suite with a helicopter pad on the roof... and snipers in the other building to make sure nobody steals my helicopter.... I got 8 doctors, 2 lawyers, 17 accountants, and 8 other lawyers to watch over the first two lawyers so....."

"If you want to get with me you're gonna have to give me more."

ok..................

morale: all the money in the world cannot sate a greedy bitch~

true true

i know the game is over but

my girlfriend said she wanted a rape alarm. so at 5.30 this morning i put tape over her mouth, held her down, fucked her up the arse & whispered "time to get up"

i have a new chat up line that works every time. it doesn't matter how gorgeos and out of my league thay are i always get a shag.

"excuse me love. could i ask your opinion? does this damp cloth smell like chloroform to you ...?"

elton john went to a tattooist and said i want a rolls royce tattooed on my penis. he said you'd be better of with a land rover it wont get stuck in the shit