lol ^^

lol

I was stood next to a blonde in the pub last night.

"Can I buy you a drink?" I winked.

"You've got a wedding ring on," she replied.

"I know" I said, "But my marriage is on the rocks, my wife is a horrible cunt and I'm filing for divorce."

"Really? Does she know?" she asked.

"I think so" I replied, turning around, "Look, she's started crying."

i saw a ginger women buying a rape alarm today

.......... i had to admire her optimism

After shagging a fat chick whilst I was drunk the next morning I said to her, "Here, if you want to see me again, call this number."

"Awww, men don't usually give me their numbers," she responded.

I said, "It's not mine. It's Weight Watchers."

My wife came in complaining that I never lift a finger around the house.

So I did.

The middle one.

The wife says I don't open up to her.

She can try all she likes, that strap-on is going nowhere near my arsehole.

man goes to the store with son and buys some beer...his son asked [dad can i buy some beer?] dad asked son well dose ur dick touch your asshole?. son says no...dad says well ur to young to buy beer. dad pays for beer and buys scratch off ticket. son asked dad can i buy scratch off...dad gave in and bought his son one. son scratches the ticket and wins 50,000. dad asks son u gonna split that with me right son? son asked dad well dose your dick touch your asshole? dad says yea....son tells dad well go fuck yourself then lol